Late Night Life Update

So I’m watching Netflix and I thought I would update on my new chromebook. Which my husband graciously gifted to me as an early birthday present. It will help with my blogging and my other work. So lately I’ve realised I have a rather long list of To-Do’s. Recently stress has been building ever so slightly. Nothing too heavy but enough to make me concerned if I if my mind is not occupied. Good portion of it revolves around my grandmother. The other revolves around my trip to the UK. Small list to update

  • I plan on making an appointment for my local doctors to go on birth control for the first time ever
  • I’m still having a stressful time organising for this trip to the UK and finding a decent place to stay longer then 7 days.
  • I’m still trying to get the ball rolling to get my grandmother to move. And it’s been a pain. We’ll be seeing her again soon
  • I’ll be turning 28 next month and I have no real plans for anything except to get my passport worked out for my travels
  • There is this hoity toity wedding I’ll be attending in October that is …yeah.

I’m sure there is the group of people who are against me taking birth control. But I’m at this currently point in my life where having a child is less this desirable. Though I’m educated on this form of birth control and how it works, I embarrassingly had to ask my best friend a heap of questions on how the process worked for her. I feel happy I can go to my local family care doctor and request it. I’m not 100% against motherhood. But I’m more interested in living life a bit more before I can decide whether or not a child is for me. All my life before the age of 26, I actually hated kids and didnt want even 1. Now I’m like “Their not so bad. But, we will see”. I just cant risk getting pregnant right now when I still have so much I want to do.

This trip I want to take to the UK has a lot more work to it then I thought. Especially with my cats. No way in hell I am leaving em behind. I’m still not sure of what part of london to be in when the time comes. Right now I just need to get my fucking passport taken care of. That makes the process shit ton easier.

And granny…granny, oh dear granny. She’s now playing this game of “oh, I dont wanna move anymore” then she goes “I am not against the idea 100%”. At this point my head is spinning with her indecision. We are visiting her soon to do more packing and to get paper work together to make sure social services can take care of her until the move. They will help with doctors visits and other minor things if necessary. But she’s not making this easy.

Product Praise: Pacifica Candles

Squeal with delight! A good 100% vegan, cruelty-free, natural brand. I confess I don’t use or care for the cosmetic products from the brand. I’m very picky when it comes to my makeup. But so far everything else has been an absolute delight from them. I’m in love with a lot of their products but I’m using their candles as an example.

IMG_6350

Scents are Persian Rose, Spanish Amber, and Mexican Cocoa

Bonus: Soy Wax 

The fucky thing about the most acceptable candles in stores is that they contain beeswax. I am not really strict with having everything I own vegan. But I believe in balance. Beeswax is so excessively used. Alternatives like coconut wax and soy wax are better alternatives. Their trickier to get a hold of sometimes, but there is more longevity to the burn of the candle and the smell is a bit stronger compared to beeswax.

Pacifica offers several different sizes of each candle. They have many to choose from aside from the ones listed above. So far my favourite scent as been Mexican Cocoa despite me owning two different sizes of the Persian Rose. Please be aware that if you are anywhere near sensitive to smell, these are very strongly scented and it can seem tiny bit over-whelming at first. 

Where To Buy Pacifica Products Online

 

 

 

Jenner Lips Challenge…Thing…CRAZY!

I can’t even begin to make a good title for this blog entry. And this will be such a short blog post because there is only so much you can say about it. First off, STOP FUCKING SUCKING BOTTLES AND SHOT GLASSES! If medical professionals and the top beauty bloggers are saying “STOP!” Then there is clearly something wrong with what you are doing. Even the objects that are created specifically for people to do this are bruising peoples lips. Just use lip liner and lipstick. Or friggen lip plumping lip gloss. It’s been said that Kylie Jenner has spoken out about this. I’m not sure if what she wrote would be considered “speaking out”. I think I would give her more credit if she said “Stop doing this. You’re going to hurt yourself” But that is not what has happened. Though some might take this as a shot towards Jenner (pun unintended), this is not about bashing any of the Jenner girls, or Kardashians. I’ve pretty much have become exhausted with that argument.  It’s not about the show. I never watch it. And I’m totally unaware of what goes on with it. I don’t even watch TV outside of Game of Thrones and Walking Dead. It’s more so the influence that these women have over the younger generation that concerns me.

I’m becoming rather depressed about how the younger generation is dramatically altering their experience to fit a certain standard. I’m talking about very young girls.  Between the ages of 12 to 20. I can’t generalise an entire group of females in a certain age range because I’d be either exaggerating or guessing. All I have is my experiences to go on and that of the female friends I had at the time. I believe most of us at that age are even slightly insecure about our appearance. Even of we don’t say it for others to hear. Even at 21 years old, I was still harshly judging my face and body. It hasn’t been until the past year that I have grown comfortable with my looks. Our faces, bodies, and minds are still developing. We never give ourself a chance to grow to except ourself before we allow the media to almost dictate how we feel. I didn’t grow up in an age of Instagram, Twitter, or Youtube. I grew up with magazines. Even that was a weight on my shoulders about my looks at a young age. I can’t imagine what pre-teens, teenagers, and women in their early twenties are going through with this.

All I can say to young girls is try to revisit your way of thinking before you decide you hate something about your looks.

New Product Focus: Orgain Hydration Powders

To say that I love Orgain products would be an understatement. I discovered this brand by accident one day when going onto my local health food stores Facebook page. Shortly after buying the product, I continued to buy their stuff through the year. I love their variety, their transparency, and the health benefits I receive from their stuff. I don’t like eating real food for breakfast. I can’t do it. Cereal, oatmeal, eggs, anything in general. I just can’t do it. I didn’t even like the McDonalds or Burger King breakfast items as a kid. But it’s really bad not to have anything in the morning. Having one of these shakes really helps me to have something nutritious in the morning instead of totally skipping out on what most consider to be the most important meal of the day. My fridge is almost never without Orgain products sitting in it.

Orgain Healthy shelf collection

I wasn’t kidding when I said I’m never without it :P

So with my love for their nutritional shakes, you can imagine I was going to jump at the chance to try their hydration powders. I’m someone who is perpetually dehydrated. Dehydration isn’t taken as seriously as it should be. If we were in a situation where we were living without food and water, we could live longer without food then water. Our bodies are mostly made up of water. So the need for it is significantly higher. The symptoms of hydration can be really uncomfortable too. I suffer from some pretty bad headaches when I get dehydrated. And that usually leaves me being short tempered, and unable to focus. I get tired easier, but somehow wake easier in my sleep. Sometimes get dizzy. And my skin suffers tooNot only do I get dry skin, but also really bad dark circles, and my eyes are blood shot. Not fun at all. I think I could pass as a Walker.

These hydration powders for me are a saviour. I know many people point others in the direction of Lucozade, Gatorade, Pedialyte, or hydration salts. But none of them are desirable to me. Those these things I mentioned above are easier to get a hold of, I happen to dislike the taste. With these hydration products from Orgain, I feel like there is a touch of flavour but not so much so where you feel like you are drinking straight up fruit juice. One scoop in a small eight to twelve ounce glass or bottle is enough.

Orgain Hydration 1

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ABOUT THE ORGANIC HYDRATION POWDERS

  • Four flavours to choose from: Coconut. Lemon ice. Berry Punch. Orange.
  • $19.99 per container + additional for shipping when bought from the website
  • Powder has a slight resemblance to coconut sugar (But uses organic cane sugar)
  • Gluten-Free
  • Soy Free
  • Vegan Friendly
  • No Synthetic Ingrediants
  • Made with organic freeze dried coconut water

LINKS:

 

Christopher Drummond Beauty Review: SkinPrep/Concealer

Christopher Drummond Base Products

 

I had my eye on both of these products for some time now. And I decided to buy and try. I’m a bitty nutty when it comes to finding the perfect base products. Primer, founder, concealer, and powder. Though I found some decent ones, I keep going bac to my M.A.C. Studio Finish Concealer, and my Smashbox. Because they work. But I’m open minded. and I heard some good things about the concealer, and I jumped at the primer.

Duo-Phase Hydrating Concealer

Claims

  • Creaseless
  • Waterproof
  • Full coverage
  • Long wearing
  • Able to be used as an eye primer
  • Able to change it to a cream foundation when mixing it in with the SkinPrep
  • Vegan
  • Organic
  • Very little goes a very long way

Additional Details

  • 8.5g
  • $22.50
  • 6 shades Available
  • Repackaged in a black opaque squeeze tube

What Makes It Awesome

It certainly has that full coverage and is able to be mixed in with both the SkinPrep and a moisturiser to get it to a cream foundation. I also loved the finish of it. When touched the area it didn’t feel like cement and it didn’t feel tacky like some overly dewy concealers. And it had that longevity that it claimed to have.

What Turns Me Off

The packaging change. Prior to the totally black squeeze tube, it had a push-up pump, see through packaging. My favourite kind for any product. You can see how much you used and know you got your moneys worth. I can’t see anything in this bottle. Not to mention that the consistency is so thick with the product that it’s difficulty for me to squeeze out. I struggle almost every time and am slightly concerned I may make the package burst to squeeze it out. The new packaging is suppose to have more product, but we can’t tell by looking at it like with the old one.

Another thing that bothers me. Limited shade selection! *throws hand in the air with frustration* So many brands out there are having this issue. Physicians Formula, Neutrogena, etc. So many amazing products, so little colour selections available. So many people out there have such different undertones to their skin. The more limited these amazing brands are, the more difficult it will be for people to take interest.

Christopher Drummond Skin Prep

Bioactive MArine Complex SkinPrep (Dimethicone Free)

Claims

  • Dimethicone Free
  • All Natural
  • Vegan
  • Organic-based
  • Paraben free
  • Phtalate free
  • Wont clog pores
  • Ideal for sensitive skin
  • Free of petrochemicals
  • Free of artificial preservatives

Additional Details

  • 30 ml
  • $39.00
  • Opaque glass packaging
  • Pump packaging
  • Black plastic lock to place over pump to prevent accidents

Being Honest

I have to be forward about this product, there is not much I care for. I used this product rather steadily since buying it. Underneath liquid foundations, mineral foundations, cream, and I don’t see a difference in longevity with this product. And I don’t see an improvement with the texture of my skin either prior to makeup application. Not to mention the smell puts me off this product. My dry area’s seemed a bit more ephasised for some reason. I only get severe dryness in between my brows, and chin. And it seemed to bring up the texture even further.

One thing I want to bring to your attention is that the packaging and the site claims that it is a vegan product, but there is one ingredient in here that is not. Artemia Salina. A species of brine shrimp. Though this seems to be a bit dodgy to a lot of people, I messaged the customer service about this. I’m not personally overly concerned about have vegan products. But I know many of you out there are. So I though I would inform you that prior to me purchasing this product, they had updated their formula to a vegan friendly one. I will be posting a small part of the response I received below…

We are in the process of changing our packaging, labels and boxes to reflect the new ingredient panel. We did not post the updated formula on our website because we felt that it would cause confusion. We will of course do so once all of the new packaging comes in. Legally, we have one year to change our labels even when the formula is different. Since our packaging will be delayed, we are now providing a leaflet, informing the customer of the updated formulation change.

I hope that small bit was informative and hope it didn’t leave anyone too concerned. Over all, I think their an amazing brand. American made, aware of the choice their making in terms of making cleaner, and animal friendly formula’s. I still urge people to give them a shot. They have a ton of products to give a go.

Movie Review: Crowsnest

crowsnest-6

 

Just a small warning to those reading this review. I tend to be one of those individuals that happens to like films that are given bad reviews. So your opinion might be different from my own. Most likely will be. So please keep that in mind. 

Back in the summer of 2013, I was shifting through Netflix when I found Crowsnest. The name caught my eye. So I turned it on. I have a small guilty pleasure for found footage films. Most of the time I don’t find them to be very good. But enjoyable. It seems that since Blaire Witch Project, many people seem to try to reach the success that it had. The only one I could think of the top of my head that did was Paranormal Activity. Even then, I just didn’t think it was great. Since then I have watched a ton of found footage. This one in particular, I happened to really enjoy. I think this is the only one I have come across that did not have something supernatural involved. No witches. No ghosts. No demonic possessions involved. To me that was a huge bonus. There are no cheap jumps scares in this film. There is always that one asshole that has the unpopular choice but seems to be the only one in charge, and believable story line.

SPOILER 

Chelsey Reists Character (Amanda) who had been taken into the RV was possibly the most tense part for me. As Justin attempts to save her, but is forced to leave, he films the RV as the villains of this film enter into it. In the distance he films it. You can hear Amanda screaming in the distance. In that moment where she is screaming and shouting “I’m gonna die!” and suddenly the scream changes tone, I got chills. That part of the film gave me chills. In that moment, she realised no one was going to save her. And you could hear the terror coming from her voice.

I’m not in anything involving film making. I’m just someone obsessively looks for good films. Movies like Hollow, The Belle Witch Haunting, and The Taking of Deborah Logan were interesting to watch. The the supernatural elements to it gave these films gave it a bit of a predictability. You almost knew what was going to happen. Though most would think when involving ghosts, or demons in a storyline, you’d think there would be a lack of predictability. But the problem is, we’ve seen it so many times with other found footage films. To me, the scariest thing is a human being. Human beings are unpredictable as well. And when unhinged, just as dangerous. The movie had seclusion. several young, care free kids, alcohol involved, and something that goes beyond murder. So we’re given a lot of room for guessing as to what may be happening with these characters.

I hope this was informative for some people out there. My personal opinion is that it was a good film. It wasn’t mind blowing. But at the same time its drifting away from what we typically expect from these kind of films.

It’s Time: Searching

It’s time for me to open up about this publicly. I was apprehensive in discussing this with almost anyone except my best friend. And she’s been the only person I’ve shared this issue with. And through various drunken nights and tears. I don’t like discussing my thoughts and feelings when it’s involving such personal things. But this is something I have to be open about. Those nights I spent sobbing to my best friend while binge drinking are over. There is no way of bringing up this topic without sounding dramatic, so I’m just going to rip that bandage off.

Since childhood, I’ve been making the assumption that I was adopted. This feeling never disappeared. I don’t bring this up to my mother. It would hurt her. It wouldn’t benefit me either. My mother and I have always had a very awkward relationship. And let me make this clear. My mother is not a bad mother. She loved me. And tried to do her best. Especially when my “father” fell short on the parenting area. We didn’t fight endlessly. She never hit me. But we bickered more like siblings. I never felt that mother/daughter bond. It was my assumption that we just had that sort of relationship. But the affection that came from her in moments where she attempted to give me comfort only felt strange to me. Her hugs during my worst moments felt like a stranger was hugging me. It was awkward for me.

My relationship with my father does not exist at all. My love for him never did either. There were certain periods of my life where I don’t remember him there at all. Even my mother said that she remembers him disappearing for days at a time. Going who knows where. He never said anything to anyone. My father played pretend as I became older. The loving father.  The thought as of this moment makes me slightly nauseated. I can only really remember 3 moments in my life where I sought affections from him. He’s never treated me as a daughter except in moments where it benefits him in public eye. While my mothers hugs and kisses where always filled with genuine love, my fathers was not. In truth, I can’t say I ever really wanted it. I was genuinely happy with it just being my mother and Baba.

I made myself verbally open to several people about my assumption of my adoption. There was no clear cut “No. You are not adopted!” from my mother or grandmother. Instead they were very defensive remarks. And yelling. Especially from my father when he over heard. “What did you see that bullshit on tv?”. My grandmother has never really acknowledged my questions. Changing the subject really quickly was the trick she had. I can’t remember if I was 10 or 11. But I remember one instance where I started crying randomly all the time. I was started to get frustrated. Not with other people. But myself. I thought I was either stupid, or crazy. During my teen years, looking back on my behaviour between the ages of 10 to 12, my imagination was my only escape from everything. I started fantasising at that time about having a different mother and father. A different family. My home life wasn’t horrible at this age. But I started going through a dark time at this point. There was a bit of bickering between my mother and father. And my mother would at times verbally lash out at me. And at school I was being bullied very badly by these two boys. When I got older I chucked that fantasy of mine in the trash because I thought I was just escaping my reality in my own way.

It was partially true. But that void I had inside of me would never really leave me. And still has not. I managed to convince myself that I wasn’t adopted. That I was just miserable and was looking for that escape. I’m 27 years old. I’m not an over emotional teenager. And I’m not a tween that is looking for an escape from my reality. I’m a married woman capable of rational thought now. I analyse before responding. I think between I take the next crucial step. Now looking back and analysing certain things I was shown and told, it does not make sense at all. I’ve tried taking a step back and trying to look at everything I was thinking and feeling. Was I just still clinging on to a fantasy because of my horrible experience with my father? Did I just never shake that feeling from childhood because I am stubborn? Maybe my mother was telling me the truth after all?

I have so much more that I want to mention. But most of that “evidence” involves documentation. Just something about all of this does not add up. I wish I could say that my gut instinct was a reliable source for all for this. But it’s not. It’s the one thing I have to go on that I feel is reliable. I just can’t help but feel like the family I was raised with was not my own. And and that I have this “gut feeling”. And that my real family may be looking for me. The result of this could be a double edged sword. And pretty much is.

The most positive outcome: find my real family and turns out I’m not crazy and my gut instincts were right and that they were looking for me all along. (Dreamer Scenario)

Negative outcome: I’m not really adopted, but I was being over dramatic and jumping to conclusions over nothing.

OR 

I am adopted and my real mother was a alcoholic/drug addict, and my father was just a vaginal jumper (dude that just sleeps around). And I was given up for adoptions because I was unwanted.

The idea that I was completely wrong about the speculation of my adoption often puts me in more fear then the idea of actually being adopted and unwanted by my real biological family. I’m fully willing to except that idea if it really was the case. I grew up with a grandmother and mother who genuinely loved and cared about me. Even if I was adopted and taken from parents who really wanted me but couldn’t keep me, nothing would change the fact that my grandmother and mother were the best people in my life growing up.

I know what some people may be thinking “Hire a professional”.

Here is the thing, I would if I could. If you know my fathers history, you would know he’s a sleazy and slippery fucker. I wont get too detailed to how this ties in to this documents that referred to earlier, but lets keep it at it makes it hard to go straight back to the very beginning. Also if anyone has looked into hiring a P.I. is fucking expensive. Money I don’t have. The retainer itself is expensive.

Where to go from here…

Putting myself out there. That’s the best I can do. Using Facebook as a source for it. I would ask my father for information but thats not an option. My father isn’t a reliable source. He’s made some pretty detailed lies up, and he is also dangerous for me to be around. It hasn’t been until recently I started to feel safe after I heard he moved back to Arizona. It’s the first time in years I have felt truly safe.

I’m aware that all this sounds incredibly overdramatic. But when you have this feeling stick with you nearly your entire life, it tends to dig into your mind in a negative way. Unfortunately, there is just a lot of road blocks I have to deal with thanks to my parents. If anything changes, I will keep you guys up to date. But as of right now, I’m trying to go through all the affordable (or free) sources like Facebook.

I’m sure the way I began this blog entry really emphasise how much this has effected me over the years. Several years of having nights of tearful binge drinking, and one occasion that nearly had me hospitalised during one of those binges.

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